What happened to the Chewy Nougat Center?

According to PopSci's Aug issue, page 27, the center of the Milky Way has the molecules responsible for the flavor of raspberries. I was under the impression we were a nougat galaxy (with nuts of course), but we may well be a jelly.

This changes everything.

I wonder how the world's religions will react to this startling news... Does God, in fact, like the fruit filled ones better, and we should be looking down on the chews and hard candy galaxies? I don't know what to think.

Insulted by my son's GPS

While traveling Atlanta, I had occasion to use my Blackberry's GPS. I used it until the battery died because I am a man and I do not ask for directions, or navigation assistance- even from my wife. When mine died (phone, not wife) I used my son's phone. Putting aside that I didn't have GPS when I was a kid, and had to ride my bike to school (two miles each way, uphill, both ways, and was happy to do it) let alone have GPS (Apollo 11 didn't have GPS for cryin' out loud, and they went to the moon) I started using his. What was I going to do? Stop and ask for directions?!

GPS was apparently programmed by friends of my wife, because it started in in a remarkably similar fashion with progressively more and more irritating comments escalating as follows:

"you are now off course"
"you are continuing off course"
"you have not corrected your course"
"replotting new course based on your new position"
"you are significantly farther from your destination than when you started"
"you did not properly execute the recommended course change"
"are you incapable of following directions"
"is there something wrong with you"

and finally (as if SHE can take directions).... "please put your wife on the phone"

Fine. Let the wife deal with the phone. I'm getting out of the car. Pardon me; Minivan. How degrading.

Just bad taste (or is it good taste but bad....)

I think this speaks for itself. Hmm. Come to think of it, I'm kinda hungry. Cya.

Too dumb for the elevator

Were you ever part of something, and right then in the moment think "this is just not happening?" I have to admit, it happens to me more than it should, but the one yesterday was exceptional, even for a family that has these moments often.

We all know how elevators work. It's not rocket science. Bear that in mind when you read this.

The elevator doors open. No one comes out, so we can all pile in. there are five of us, and we all have a suitcase or something in our hands (or pulling along, etc). We all advance in unison directly toward the opening. We all crash into each other, shoulder to shoulder, forming a semi circle around the door. We all relax and take a half step back, followed by another attempt to step into the elevator. In unison. Again. We all squish ourselves into the exact same semi circle. We all relax and take a half step back. Then, as if we were one mind (probably totaling one between the five of us....) we all step forward again. Experience tells us that we will not make it again, so everyone lunges at the same time. A collective ooof! rises from the group as we compress into our little semi circle. We are all frozen for a second, and then the elevator doors slowly slide closed, as if to say "I don't have time for this~ you are all too stupid to ride. Take the stairs."

Dissed by an elevator.

We all slowly relax and then start laughing. To the untrained eye, we are a bunch of imbeciles; but to the trained Psychologist, we are a case study. Probably a best selling book.

When the elevator doors opened again, I lunged as quick as I could.

Just like everyone else in the family.

History repeats itself.