Friday, November 18, 2011

Family Meeting Agenda!

Do you wish you were so organized that you actually had an agenda for your family meetings? Really? take a close look.......

Family Meeting Agenda

September 24, 2011

Stop taking/wearing Caitlin’s jewelry

Chores: Pick up dog poop BEFORE mowing lawns

Farting contests must be held OUTSIDE

Please throw up in the trash cans

No more deviled eggs until the farting contests move outside and people only throw up in the trash cans. *STOP feeding Max deviled eggs: An unwilling farting contest contestant is an unhappy contestant. Contrary to popular opinion, he does not “Like being gassy”. Plus he does not understand when the contest starts and stops so he keeps farting everywhere.

How about now? Still wish you were me?

I thought not.....

Friday, November 11, 2011

70 ingredients?

What is going on here? The McRib is DELICIOUS, right up to the point where you find out that there are 70 ingredients, and only one of them is "RIB". And not rib in the sense that you would get from a fine summer day and a BBQ. No, more of a shift on the floor of a meatpacking house kind of rib. The official term is "Restructured Meat Product".

You know what they make sausages from? That stuff went into sausages; this is the stuff left over from the stuff used to make sausages. Not a good visual image. But then again, it is delicious.

Saturday, December 04, 2010

What a face!

I love this picture! The little guy in the center has one of those priceless faces that kids sometimes make. He has what we call an "Expressive" face, but the expressions change so fast that we rarely catch them on film. This is one of those rare times when we did. Enjoy!

Thursday, April 29, 2010

It's gonna be a better year

All I can say is it will be a happier Black Hole now that the QB situation is getting fixed. We didn't waste any draft picks on goofballs, we made a good trade, and Al did not hold a press conference. I am one sanguine season ticket holder. (look it up, or ask Charlie...).

Who knows- by the time I am online tomorrow morning, only one of the above may be a Raider.

Wednesday, April 28, 2010

"Pavlov and the iPad" A children's fable

Once upon a time, Pavlov ordered an iPad. Blah Blah Blah. The gist of the story is that I salivate and run to the front door every time I hear a truck coming near my street. Yet, like the good dogs in the underlying reference, I have no iPad in hand. But that...ohhh! is that a truck I hear?! Gotta go!

Tuesday, April 27, 2010

All my greatest fears....

This is awesome! A water slide, high over the shark infested ocean, hanging off the side of a cruise ship!

Let me see:
Fear of heights.: Check!
Fear of open ocean (think lost at sea): Check!
Fear of being eaten by sharks in said open ocean: Check!

Why take three different vacations to face my greatest fears, when I can accomplish the same feat with just one activity? And I can experience them all right in front of my family! Heck, they can even get the crew to capture it on video so I can relive it forever (backed up properly on digital media, and then up to the cloud on YouTube and Google of course).

And if I act now, I can add 100 points to my Disney Vacation Club membership and get four cruise tickets for free! God bless America! I can face my fears, for free, in the luxury of a Disney Cruise Vacation package. What a great time to be alive (falling from heights, from a cruise ship, to be lost at sea waiting to be eaten by sharks).

Book it, Danno!

Wednesday, January 06, 2010

Today's mission: Tolerate your twin brother.

I said it with a straight face. Seriously. And sternly. STERNLY.

That said, I have to face the fact that I am sending two battered boys to school today- they beat the snot out of each other, and I wasn't there to stop them. I think they were expecting me to break them up, but I was busy holding up the boxes that would have crushed me had I refocused on them. Too bad. When I resolved the box issue and got back to dealing with them they ramped up their battle- leading me to think that they didn't really want to fight (or at least not ferrociously) but were puting on a show for my benefit. Imagine living IN THE CAGE with two UFC fighters; that's what it's like for us. A family of six, locked in a cage with two of the family members locked in mortal combat.

They aren't even out the door yet and the battle is on again.

Perhaps some basic training (to learn to wait for the bell) so that they don't loose points in fights that go to the judge's decision. Parenting!

Friday, December 18, 2009

Wednesday, December 09, 2009

Tom Brady (TOM BRAY-D)

FOXBOROUGH, Mass. – New England Patriots quarterback Tom Brady and supermodel Gisele Bundchen (jih-ZEHL' BUN'-chen) have welcomed a baby boy.

God, it's great being an American. No need to explain how to say Tom Brady. Do you think somewhere in the world there's an article that reads:

MIDDLEOV, Novhere. – New England Patriots quarterback Tom Brady (TOM BRAY-D) and supermodel Gisele Bundchen have welcomed a baby boy.

Monday, November 23, 2009

Violate my Computer dad!

What parent doesn't want to wake up at 6AM on a holiday to the pleas of an online addicted child who wants yet another game validated?! I know I do! I sent him downstairs to make himself something to eat with the promise that I would be right down. I lied. He finally convinced me that he wouldn't stop until I got up and did my job (football has taught him the concept of "jobs" and "roles" but he only sees the value when it applies to us, his parents....).

Fine. Rot your mind. Just don't come crawling to me when your liquefied brains ooz out your ears.

Monday, October 19, 2009

Why dogs bite people

If someone dressed you up like this, wouldn't you bite them? what is the thinking here? Isn't it bad enough that the poor puppy is small enough to be crushed with one misstep? That his fur is less than perfect? I feel bad for him. I wouldn't dress up like that myself (might have in college; no clear recollection).
On the other hand, if this little guy has soiled the cut loop berber one too many times...bring on the borg-dog costume!

Friday, October 16, 2009

Incoming call

I was in the Las Vegas airport waiting for my flight home when "incoming call" appeared on my blackberry. A call from one of the twins. My kids mostly text, so when they actually use the phone function on their phones (?!) I am always filled with anticipation and dread, but mostly dread.

"Dad?" "Where's the snake stick?". For those of you who don't know what that is, it's a broom handle with an aircraft cable attached that has a loop in it. The cable runs through a hole in the end so that the cable can be pulled tight and make a noose around a snake. Good tool for our area, as we have Diamondbacks. We have one stick in the backyard, and another one by the garage door.

"Why?" I asked. "There's a snake in the house" was his answer. "Where's mom?" (Really important to get a clear picture of her state of mind. Might not have to get on the plane, if you know what I mean). She was out, and the snake was in, so I gave him the following instructions:

1. Get the stick.
2. Get the snake.
3. Get rid of the snake.
4. Put away the stick.

It turns out it was just a normal snake, and it was escorted out, but the critical part of the story is that mom doesn't find out. I don't want to move again.